Hyphenated Hamas Hippies of Hampshire County

Let’s take a break from the ongoing kangaroo-court trials in New York and Dedham to reconsider the Hamas hippies of Hampshire County – the fellow travelers of the genocidal Muslim Nazis in Gaza.

A few weeks back the local cops arrested more than 120 of these unbathed Democrats who had taken over huge swaths of the University of Massachusetts in Amherst. They had transformed parts of the campus into squalid encampments reeking of weed, patchouli and rotting cabbage.

It took more than a week for all the arrested hippies to be arraigned in Eastern Hampshire District Court in Belchertown.

But we have the lists now, and if you’re reading this online you can see below the names of the most recently arraigned. It’s a given that all charges will be broomed – count on it.

But at least they had to go into court and tell the clerk magistrate what their pronouns are.

From the most recent batch of names, I’ve selected a few at random. See if you can spot a trend here:

Ava Blum-Carr (no relation).

Anna Marie Morel-Paletta.

Sophia Haydon-Khan.

Sophia P. Larkin-Dunphy.

These perps are added to our previous list, which included, among others, Sophia Elizabeth Townes-Hardt, Claire Murphy-Petri, Emma Roth-Wells and Ian Powell-Palm.

We’re going to have to call this rabble the Hyphenated Hamas Hippies of Hampshire County. And how many hyphenated Sophias are enough for The Man to lug?

You may be asking yourself what these, uh, students do, when they’re not getting arrested for trespassing, rioting, failure to disperse and, occasionally, resisting arrest?

Let’s start with Kyla Alexander, who appears to be from Beverly, and is into “restorative” agriculture practices.

“I soon begin working with Song Sparrow Farm as a farm hand,” she says.

Farm hand? Is that anything like being a… sharecropper?

“I have the goal to become an herbalist doula living in harmony with nature.”

Doula? Hey, Kyla, whatever floats your boat. Next time, though, also think about living in harmony with the UMass police.

Molly B. Aronson (pronouns: they/she) is an “outdoor educator” who enjoys “foraging for wild foods.”

Kinda like being lost in the woods, in other words. She’s known around campus as Al Fresco Aronson.

The oldest scofflaw I could find was one Jill Brevik, age 37. She is, as you might expect, “a dedicated non-profit leader” who “relocated to western Massachusetts” in 2020. Of course she did! Haven’t they all?

In case you’re wondering what a dedicated non-profit leader does when not getting arrested, Jill has “played a role in several strategic planning processes that have helped to shape the organization’s trajectory.”

Somebody’s gotta do it, I suppose. Good luck with strategically shaping that trajectory!

Lydia D’Ambrosio, from North Andover says that she is majoring, or is it concentrating in “Engineering Social Justice.” She is “passionate about using engineering as a tool for social justice.”

Personally, I’m passionate about using engineering as a tool for filling potholes.

There’s a ZooMass ad I hear occasionally on social media that says something like “UMass – here to stay.”

That’s certainly true of a lot of these virtue-signaling beatniks. They’re here to stay. Actually leaving Happy Valley, and getting a real job, and working – it’s, like, a bummer, man. Totally, dude.

Kathryn E. Durand is a ZooMass ’09 grad. Now she’s back working on a thesis or something about the Southern Baptist Convention, its “past and present violence,” not mention “a focus on institutional betrayal, white supremacy and patriarchy.”

Patriarchy? Is there any of that among your dear raping, baby-killing, beheading, Jew-slaughtering friends in Hamas? Or in ISIS, Hezbollah, al Qaeda or the Taliban, for that matter?

Sarah Hastings is into “tiny houses.” Don’t ask me what that means, but you don’t get much tinier housing than a jail cell, do you?

Anne E. McGrew is a Ph.D. student and she has published a work, “The Case for Paid Apprenticeships Behind Bars.”

I likewise support apprenticeships behind bars. I call them “chain gangs.”

Tatiana Rodriguez has three bachelor’s degrees from ZooMass, including one in, what else, Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies. Now she’s a grad student in Afro-American studies dealing with methodologies and “Black feminist/womanist praxes.”

Praxes? In case you wondering what that means, it’s the plural of praxis. I don’t what its pronouns are.

Abigail Brooks is in the department of environmental conservation, with a BS in Sustainable Community Development.

A long time ago, I used to live in the 413 area code. They always taught us kids that the best way to develop a sustainable community was to… get a job. A real job. I don’t think they teach that much anymore in what was then called the Pioneer Valley. The pioneers are gone.

Lindsey A. Schreiner has some advice for everyone: “Never give to a university that supports genocide.”

Right on, Lindsey! Power to the people! That has always been one of my personal… praxes.

Julia Soh, who took a fall for resisting arrest along with the customary trespassing-rioting-failing-to-disperse beefs, is into “animal psychology.” She graduated in 2020 and according to her social media, has been employed by a hippie sub shop on campus since 2017.

Sadie Grace Ross is a sophomore majoring in natural resource conservation with a concentration in forest ecology.

Forest ecology? I think that means she’s studying to be a lumberjack? Tim-burrr, Sadie!

Eric Ross is a Ph.D. student and, he preciously adds, “Outside the classroom, I am contributor to Genocide Watch where I write on contemporary issues related to the prevention of genocide and mass atrocities.”

We eagerly await your monograph on Oct. 7, Eric.

Sophia Haydon-Khan is from Pasadena, a Smith College undergrad. She was an intern at the Los Angeles Times, which used to be a newspaper. I wonder if they’ll let her write an op-ed that no one will read.

They used to say that college guys went to protests so they could meet good-looking chicks. I can you, those days are over. The next good-looking woman I see in one of these courtrooms will be… oh never mind.

Enough with the hyphenated Hamas hippies of Hampshire. Back to the Star Chamber in Dedham next week.

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